The Death of Boris

The Last Ride

When I got out of work, his tire was flat. I changed it and we went home. A day later I took Boris to Sears to get a new set of tires. They told me that the spring was shot and would cost about $3000 to fix.

I asked if I could get back home.

They said maybe.

Boris and I drove home slowly. He didn't know it was the last ride.

Names
Apologies to Russian Peasants

My good friend Rob has a habit of naming things. I'm Neckbone. Our friend from Green Bay is Kid Ashwaubenon. He named my 1996 Ford Taurus, Boris.

Strangely enough, Boris seemed to take on a personality because of his name.

Like a Russian peasant he was:

• Loyal
• Dependable
• A bit smelly
  

He was Boris.

Hard to Say Goodbye

Boris sits in the driveway now. I find myself having a hard time calling my uncle to come and tow Boris away. Every time I walk to the alley I feel like Boris is asking me when we're going to go for a ride.

I don't have the heart to tell him that we're not.

Squirrels 1 Rob 0

Why I hate Summer Reason #326

Summer is not my favorite season. It's hot, work is busier, and don't even get me started on humidity. One nice thing you can do in Summer, though, is grow things. And I don't just mean the mold on the dishes you leave in the sink for an extra day, I mean delicious fresh vegetables and the like. This year on Memorial Day weekend, my beautiful bride-to-be and I went to Home Depot and bought some plants. She got flowers, I got a green pepper plant, a jalapeño plant, and two tomato plants. By the beginning of July I had picked my first jalapeño and I had a green pepper nearly ready for harvest and some green tomatoes.

The Mystery Unfolds

One of my tomatoes disappeared, I wasn't overally concerned, it was just one out of many. The next day I found a green tomato half chewed up and lying on the ground. I had seen the squirrels eying up my plants and knew they were the culprits. I picked my green pepper and ate it.

A Vacation Ruined

One particular tomato was getting big and inching towards shades of pink on it's way to red. I decided that my upcoming 5 days off in a row, a mini-vacation if you will, would be the perfect time to harvest the tomato and make it a part of a delicious BLT. On the first day of vacation my beautiful betrothed called me and asked if I had eaten my BLT. I hadn't and decided to go out and harvest the tomato.

It was gone.

I had seen it earlier in the day, hanging there all red and presumably full of juicy goodness. But now it was gone. I noticed a green tomato with bite marks in it still on the vine. Upon closer examination I realized all the tiny buds had disappeared as well.

I could almost feel the mocking gaze of the well-fed squirrels.. mocking me.

"You win this round squirrels. Enjoy your victory for it will be your last." ANd with that I went inside and had a tuna salad sandwich.

Stormtroopers of Death Alive and Well in California

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Fair and Balanced

We had to watch this video in my Media Writing class and write a broadcast script for it. One of the stipulations was that it had to be fair and balanced. You can't incoroporate your opinion into it and that's just hard. How can you watch a video like this and not be disgusted?

What Happened?

According to the follow-up article, the Iranian student claims that he was working in a UCLA computer lab when he was unfaily singled out to show identification. When he was leaving he was blocked by a security officer. He says when the officer grabbed his arm, his bipolar condition caused him to go limp. The officers then repeatedly tasered him in an effort to make him stand up.

Gosh, nothing like being electrocuted to make me want to stand up. I guess the police officers left their billy clubs at home.


Ooops, was that not fair and balanced. Mean old me attacking those poor peace officers just trying to do their jobs.

Why Brady Marshall?

Inspiration from my fiance

I already knew why I want to marry her. She has a smile that lights up the room. She's smarter than a hundred brain surgeons. Yet she never ceases to amaze me.

I told her I had to create a blog and didn't know where to start. So she sent me this.

• I was excited.
• I was inspired.
• I knew everybody could relate to 'zines.

I forgot I was an old fart..

I told the young punk-rock kid at work I was going to base my blog on the 'zines I used to work on. His eyes glazed over.

"What's a 'zine?"

What's a 'zine? Don't you go to shows? Aren't people there trying to get other people to buy their collected rants in a neat, booklet form?

Rest in Piece DIY Publishing

I realized that with technological advances paper 'zines had become obsolete. Blogs are the new 'zine. Anyone with a thought can easily spread it to the masses electronically. I went down to the basement and rooted through my boxes, memories packed and piled on the pool table. I found a few copies of the old Phoenix Zine but none of the old Brady Marshall Zine. It didn't matter. No one needed to know how to scam copies from Kinkos anymore. I wistfully packed them away and went back upstairs.